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Hurts So Good

Posted by editor on August 7, 2007 at 5:55 AM PDT

If Fake Steve hates Java, does his alter ego hate it too?

Ever called someone a "frigtard"? Or do you have a t-shirt that says "Dude, I invented the friggin' iPod, have you heard of it?" If so, you're presuamably a reader of The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs, a satirical pseudo-blog written by "Fake Steve", an hitherto-anonymous writer who assumed the Apple CEO's persona in a wide-ranging lampoon of the tech industry.

For months, people have been trying to figure out Fake Steve's identity, consistently getting it wrong, as when Business 2.0 surmised it was longtime Mac columnist Andy Ihnatko. But this week, the New York Times finally unmasked Fake Steve as Forbes senior editor Daniel Lyons.

So, why am I writing about this on Because "Fake Steve" hates Java. Just query for "Java" on FSJ and you'll find a number of posts, all of them hostile. For example, reacting to a blog saying that Java needs its own Fake Steve, the real fake said "Guys I appreciate the imitation but, um, it's Java. Nobody cares about it. Bokay?" He claimed that the open-sourcing of Java made it officially worth zero. FSJ has also been generous in his abuse of Sun CEO Jonathan Schwartz, who he dubs My Little Pony, and Sun PR staffer he calls Java Gal.

Fake Steve's awareness of and interest in Java, even if hostile, is atypical of Mac people in general (the same could be said of his bashing of Linux "freetards"... Mac people generally think of Linux as "that OS that's good because it's not Windows, but bad because it's not Mac"). In fact, FSJ's Java-awareness was one reason I commented on the Business 2.0 article and said FSJ probably wasn't a prominent Mac writer, and might well be a funny Java or WebObjects developer (well, I was half right).

But here's the thing to think about... now that we know that Fake Steve is a Forbes senior editor, is it the Fake Steve character who's hating on Java, or the real Daniel Lyons? Because if it's the latter, then it's worth taking a step back and considering how Java's message is going over. Was Lyons just playing to Real Steve's famous iPhone quote that "Java's not worth building in. Nobody uses Java anymore. It's this big heavyweight ball and chain," or is Lyons himself resistant to the message that Sun and the Java community have been putting out?

If it's the latter, then this is a good time for us to have a perception-reality check.

In Java Today,
the Early Draft Review is underway for JSR-297, the Mobile 3D Graphics API 2.0. "This new revision of M3G (JSR-184) will expose the latest graphics hardware features on high-end devices, while improving performance and memory usage on the low end." Among the JSR's goals are reducing the performance difference between Java and native apps, improving compression of 3D art assets, and maintaining the compactness and simplicity of the earlier version of the API. The Early Draft Review closes on August 25.

Web applications use HTTP to exchange data, which means that the HTTP-supporting Java ME is perfectly capable of using web apps. But what about the format of the data? In SOA Without SOAP: The Java ME Perspective, Eric Giguere argues that inconsistent support for the Web Services API's for Java ME (WSA) and the implicit overhead of SOAP should have pragmatic ME developers looking for alternatives, ultimately concluding that "the ideal web service for our purposes is one that uses a simple REST-like interface."

Now that real-time Java virtual machines support scoped memory, defining common patterns for scoped memory usage can improve developer productivity. These patterns reduce the need to understand or work with scopes directly by providing scopes' core functions with less complexity. The article Simplifying Real-Time Java Development introduces the Lifecycle Memory Managed Periodic Worker Threads pattern as a model for simplifying real-time Java development. It demonstrates the pattern's feasibility through a sample implementation and simple example application.

In today's Weblogs, David Herron considers the JVM's suprising usefulness to scripting languages, in

Re: Java: One Platform To Rule Them All?
"On Javalobby Michael Urban asks Java: One Platform To Rule Them All? noting an article, Use Java to Improve Drupal's Scalability. In that article an exploration of running Drupal on the Java platform is done, and he is looking for greater scalability than the regular PHP platform offers."

Mobile & Embedded community leader
Roger Brinkley asks
What's in my pocket? And the answer is, "a Nokia 6086 Unlicensed Mobile Access (UMA) phone that I've just started testing and I could not be happier."

Finally, Alexander Potochkin checks in with
Validation overlays with JXLayer - the followup.
"The complete guide for the validation overlays with JXLayer. Outside the component decoration included."

In today's Forums,
Robin Chaddock describes a rather remarkable memory leak in
Re: CLDC1.1+Jsr184+HW acc+reliable=impossible?
"For example: while (true) { Loader.load("any.m3g");} will cause a whole host of recent Nokia and SonyEricsson handsets to crash with an OutOfMemoryError (though the heap is far from full), after a relatively small number of iterations. It doesn't appear to be memory leaks within the Loader class either, replacing the use of the native m3g Loader with a java implementation (that falls back upon api calls) does not circumvent the crashes on most handsets - implying that programatic construction of jsr184 objects also leaks some kind of finite system resource. Given that Nokia was the Specification lead for jsr184, it is a little disheartening to find most of their implementations are fundamentally broken in such a way."

Joe Shevland has a complaint about GlassFish exceptions in
RE: Obtaining LoginException.
"I'm very surprised that being able to check the cause of the failure for authentication problems isn't possible, even for the developer to make the call as to whether something as braindead as "Login failed" is presented when in fact the authentication database is not available, the account has expired, the password needs a reset etc."

Finally, jasonbaragry looks to classic TV for GUI inspiration, in
Re: Audio for Meetings in Wonderland.
"My first reaction was to crack a joke about Get Smart's "Cone of Silence" but perhaps it isn't such a silly idea. As you suggest, starting simple would be the best approach so that people have something to interact with and generate new ideas. Meeting rooms can be toggled between ordinary sound and meeting voice sound. If two people in the room want to have a private chat then they set up a "cone of silence".They could use your zone/circle idea for private chat rather than meeting voice. A visual clue would be useful so that others could know that they are in a private chat (perhaps lowering the glass cone from the ceiling - though it may be difficult to pass on the Get Smart meme if you haven't grown up with it."

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If Fake Steve hates Java, does his alter ego hate it too?